Showing posts with label calhounites. Show all posts
Showing posts with label calhounites. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Ron Paul's Calhounite Revolution!

I bring tidings this Boxing Day: Frank Meyer's ghost has returned to haunt the American electoral system once again, and this time he is penning speeches for a nullificationist witchdoctor from that neo-confederate stronghold of Texas. While most good, Union-loving candidates of the Republican Party spend the darker months of the year responding to my call for Haj to the temple of Abraham in Washington, D.C. this would-be pretender to Lincoln's throne has used the Holy Month of Abradan to commit high heresy before all that is America, or at least its better parts. And the cameras captured this abomination!



600,000 unnecessary deaths, Mr. Paul? Bah!

Each and every single one of those 600,000 lives was destined to be spilt upon the altar of the glorious Union, for the Union alone gave them those lives and the one true same Union, through the merciful might of its Prophet Abraham, is alone permitted to decree their termination in fulfillment of its needs! In 1861 Lincoln saw the youthful life of his nation being drained by the states, crazed with oedipal desires to rob their lifegiving mother, the Union, of its essence and purity. And like Bathory and Saltykova before him, Lincoln saw the one true and only solution: mother Union must bathe her wayward soils in the virgin blood of its peonage to attain a new birth of freedom.

While still recovering from the shock of Mr. Paul's blasphemy, Fox News cobbled together a response. Unfortunately Roger Ailes seems to have misplaced a certain email address (psst...it's railsplittinstud1987@claremont.org - keep the bottle opener keychain next time) and assigned this important task to Bill Kristol.



As I watched his disjointed though well intentioned rebuttal I was reminded of the lowly freshmen who attend the Claremont Institute's log cabin summer retreats. They arrive with the glow of hope in their eyes and a sense of adoration unseen since Elmer Ellsworth was a sprightly young intern at the law offices of Lincoln and Herndon, but like young Ellsworth, true to the cause though they may be, they are as of yet unready to carry Father Abraham's banner into battle with the Calhounite hordes, be they confederate innkeepers or presidential candidates. Since only a true and seasoned elder of Father Abraham's temple is capable of delivering the necessary retort, I again humbly make it known that my services are available.

The insidious nature of the Ron Paul campaign makes it a particularly pressing threat to the Union we hold and cherish so dearly. True to its roots in the neo-Calhounite compounds of backwoods Alabama, Paul's campaign recently happened upon $6 million cash - as sure sign that his hordes have been digging up the Confederate gold that Judah P. Benjamin stashed in the New Mexico desert after Richmond fell in 1865. If that were not trouble enough though, Paul's campaign like Calhoun before him has joined forces with Nazi Germany, just as I first discovered almost four score ago as I explained to a then-lost Union what a crisis in a divided house truly meant.

If ever you needed proof that Calhoun and Hitler link their arms in a swastika of hatred for Father Abraham, check no further than this article by David Benzion of Lone Star Times, which has proof that Mr. Paul and his Knights of the Golden Circle cohorts secretly conspire on their Calhounite agenda with the Wehrmacht at a Washington, D.C. Thai cafeteria every Wednesday night.

Both Congressman Paul and his aides regularly meet with members of the Stormfront set, American Renaissance, the Institute for Historic Review, and others at the Tara Thai restaurant in Arlington, Virginia, usually on Wednesdays. This is part of a dinner that was originally organized by Pat Buchanan, Sam Francis and Joe Sobran, and has since been mostly taken over by the Council of Conservative Citizens.


They say that Paul's Hitler liason is Don Black, but just reading that article tells me enough to know the man who is really behind the curtain: Joe Sobran.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

NyTimes Falls to Calhounites

I must confess I don't keep up with the Beltway much since my subscription to The Star lapsed, but the following pictograph of Clarence Thomas suggests that the New York Times would like to renominate Justice Taney.




Ashton Kutcher: Calhounite


This time Kelso has gone too far:Ashton Kutcher Moons Abraham Lincoln Monument



October 2, 2006 12:25 p.m. EST
Maira Oliveira - All Headline News Reporter

Washington, D.C. (AHN) - Ashton Kutcher decided to put on a brave face and
test his limits with inanimate objects in the country's capital last week. The
former "That 70s Show" star made a recent trip to Washington, D.C. with his wife
Demi Moore, hoping to do a little bit of sightseeing and to embark on an
unforgettable adventure - and that he did.

During his few nights stay, Ashton decided to bare his butt for Abraham
Lincoln's entire stone fixture to see.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Despite what Larry Kramer, Gore Vidal, Carl Sandburg, Walt Whitman, Joshua Fry Speed, or a long list of scholars understandably would like to fantasize, I can assure you that Father Abraham would have not the slightest interest in Kelso's ass. Even less so in stone form.


Second, I've put up with that crazy kid's hijinks long enough. You DO NOT PUNK Abraham Lincoln!!! This is no ordinary monument we're talking about, but a temple in which the memory of our savior is enshrined forever, until it is destroyed, only to be rebuilt on the third day.


Ashton Kutcher, you're on my shit list. That is a place you do not want to be, my young friend. Well, it's not a place so much as...a list, a list on which you should not wish to have your name placed. But you're on it now. Your time is coming. You will know not the day nor the hour. Just you wait.